Back In The Saddle
After many a year, here I sit once again in front of my computer, feeling the stirrings of excitement in starting a new journey. In a very brief synopsis, I used to make art almost every single day and poured my soul into a fledgling art career. Life gave me quite a routing in a few areas of my life, and I retreated into the damp caves of hopelessness where it's neither wet enough to slate thirst, nor dry enough to stay warm. After years of shivering, I've decided to leave the pseudo-safety of my cave and head back out into the big scary world to seek my fortune.
In fairy tales of yore, you sometimes hear of someone telling their mother and father, "It's time for me to seek my fortune!" They pack a bundle with a chunk of bread and a chunk of cheese, and they bound through the door and onto the road at first break of day. Soon enough they are far along the forest road, hungry and quickly losing the motivation of the novelty of new adventure. And then...that's always the point when they do indeed find their fortune.
Now in modern days we often use the word "fortune" to mean good fortune, or wealth, or prosperity, but this isn't always the case. There is also bad fortune, and mediocre fortune, and strange fortune. In these fairy tales, adventurers will usually meet all of them at least once. Regardless of which type of fortune they find, it almost always comes after our hero (or alas, victim!) makes the decision to leave their home and brave the perils of the outside world. They are no longer just living, they are adventuring. They have become Seekers.
"I am a brave adventurer, too!" I tell myself, wearing my Lilo and Stitch pajama pants and Care Bear t-shirt. (Pictured below: a fierce and terrifying warrior)
Although I'm more than happy to start off any adventure by wolfing down a chunk of cheese and fresh bread, I'm afraid it won't be quite as simple to begin seeking my own fortune. In the fairy tales, they start their journey by loading up with supplies and carrying a sack over their shoulder. Something in my spirit tells me, however, that I'm going to have to start my journey by emptying out that sack instead of packing more into it. You can't cross a river if you're carrying too much weight, and friends, I'm standing on the riverbank.
A decade ago, I was full of life and always on some new adventure. New places, new friends, new experiences. Even with the hardships, it was a fantastical time of excitement, energy, and vivid colors. It's where I need to return to. It's home.
It feels different this time, though. Life has changed, the world has shifted, scars have formed and faded, and the web has been rewoven time and time again. As I cautiously hop outside of my comfort zone for the first time in years and begin summoning the art spirits once again, there's something unfamiliar underneath me. I knew this new chapter of my life would feel different than the past; the recipe is the same but it's fresh ingredients. As I step into the stirrup and swing my leg over (something I was always embarrassingly ungraceful about when I tried it a couple of times as a kid) , there's something out of place. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until today.
I'm back on the same horse, but it's a different saddle. The horse represents life itself and all the things the happen to us or the things that we happen to. These are the things that carry us forward and move us towards our destination, just like a horse carries you to the next town. The saddle is what we hold onto, and what keeps us upright and steady on our journey. It helps us to rest upon the horse and stay stable. It's the bridge between rider and horse. These are our relationships, our skills, our sense of self, and our actions. It's through these things that we can hold onto our life purpose and stay balanced.
Imagine you have the fastest, strongest horse in the world. It's beautiful, healthy, and can take you anywhere you want to go. If you jump on that horse with no saddle and no experience, you're going to be hanging on for dear life when that bad boy shifts it into fifth gear and flies across the lands. Living a life to its fullest with love and adventure is just like that big, strong horse: it's a mighty powerful thing when it gets going, and you better know what to hold onto when it takes off! Just like a horse, a life well-lived can sometimes be still and peaceful, it's not always going to be full throttle. You just never know when life is going to speed up, turn chaotic, or take an unexpected turn; you've always got to have your saddle at the ready so that you can ride with your horse instead of being dragged along behind it.
And just like every saddle needs to be adjusted to each horse, we all need to develop the ability to adjust and/or develop our relationships, attitudes, skills, and sense of self in order to adapt to life's challenges and opportunities. Sometimes you also realize your saddle is worn out and it's time for a whole new one! If we don't have a solid foundation to hold onto, life can buck us right off, and we'll be left behind in a cloud of dust with a bruised rear end.
As I hop onto the saddle again, I reach down and give my old horse a loving pat on the neck. "Woooow, you've put on some heft since last time" he says, jokingly I'm sure. "I mean, not to be rude, but how many pant sizes have you gone up?" he continues, committing to the bit. "Seriously, you might need to swap out them sugar cubes for a couple of carrot sticks" he tells me, pretending to strain as we start forward.
"It's good to see you too, old buddy. Now let's go and seek our fortune!"